Dear Family, Friends, & Bloggers ~
We would like to share some of your personal mini-tributes at the Memorial Celebration we're planning to honor Bri. It's a birthday party of sorts, being two days before what would have been Bri's 32nd birthday. Please do come, if you can.

We'd like to know…and to share with everyone…how Bri's friendship and / or her blog inspired, enriched, and influenced your life.

We have a couple of people willing to read those tributes to the audience, including Shankari of Stream of Consciousness, who helped coordinate the wildly successful Chip-In Fundraiser for Bri's medical expenses in collaboration with Bee & Jai of Jugalbandi. Some folks will be okay standing up and sharing directly with the celebration group, but others will be much too shy or emotional in such a situation….and many of you live too far away to attend.

We have people who've volunteered to take photos & video of the gathering that we will be posting afterwards on Bri's site, so those who can't join us will be able to enjoy it, too.

Please email your tributes to: Cynthe@EssentialOilsForHealing.com OR ask for my snail mail address, if you wish to print them on special paper. It might be nice to assemble your tributes in a memorial scrapbook along with the photos…

Briana Brownlow 1976-2008

I am so sorry to say that my beautiful and talented wife Bri passed away last Monday at 3:25AM. She was having breathing problems and slipped off in her sleep. I am glad she did not have too much discomfort and was able to stay home for the duration as she wished.

Throughout both struggles with cancer, Bri maintained her cheery optimistic attitude and won over everyone that came in contact with her. Kindness and generosity was reflected back to her in many surprising and delightful ways.  Most notably the fundraiser that Bee and Jai of Jugalbandi, Shankari of Stream of Consciousness, Manisha of Indian Food Rocks and Garrett of Vanilla Garlic put on, which was successful beyond our wildest dreams. Later, the hospital waived ER fees and Memorial Hospice of Santa Rosa donated their services free of charge. There were so many people cheering her on. She felt grateful for the continual flood of gifts and loving wishes from everyone around her. You all have my heartfelt thanks for the support you shared however big or small. Your positive encouragement bolstered her strength and determination. Despite all of this, the disease was just too much for her body.

Bri started this blog after she had gone through one bout of cancer treatment and was in remission. It was a labor of love for her. For the first time she felt like she had found her calling. Writing and cooking and connecting with people who shared her passion. Joy is always better shared, and this blog allowed her to share it with countless people around the world.

She loved to nurture others with delicious food and heartfelt conversation. She was particularly fond of introducing people to food they had never tasted before. And loved to watch with glee as they delighted in the wonderful surprise of discovering new flavors. Her ease with people and innate brightness of spirit was a joy to be around. I am honored to have had her presence grace my life. The pain of the loss is tremendous. I am wading through my grief and trying to come to terms with a world without her laughter, but feel comforted that she shared her warmth with me for a while.

I have a favor to ask of all of her readers and friends around the globe.

Life is unpredictable and often shorter than we wish.  When you sit down to eat, take a moment to savor the deliciousness that crosses your palate. Delight in each precious moment of joy, beauty and friendship. We never know how many we will be given.

For the love of all things scrumptious

-Marc

Monday ~ Deep purple-red juices seeped through my sandwich staining everything maroon…like the tears of my heart.

Our beloved Briana (my daughter-in-law) died in the wee morning hours, her lungs and bones ravaged by an invisible enemy ~ metastatic breast cancer. I was finishing up the beets Pam, my friend of three decades, had prepared so lovingly for Bri last week.

Bri was an enthused beets fan. Runs in her mother's family. Her Uncle Walt relishes them, too. Bri would bring home Bull's Blood red beets crowned with greens, golden ones, and striped heirlooms from the farmers market. But she hadn't been able to get to the farmers market for several months. She would recruit my hubby Bill, her grocery-shopping buddy, and Pam to go for her.

Bri confined to the small world of her memory foam padded recliner would check with Bill every Wednesday and Saturday morning to see if he was going to the farmers market today. She would ask what fresh produce we had in the kitchen and make requests for her favorite seasonal fruits and veggies.

Still a cook at heart, though she couldn't even stand on her own or get downstairs anymore, Bri would tell us what she was in the mood to eat when meal times circled round.

Her appetite was miniscule. It was a great gastronomic triumph if she could eat a whole cup of fruit or yogurt or rice and veggies or avocado and cottage cheese. More often it was a bite, here and there, or a nibble of this and that….and half a day later, the piece of toast or handful of peanuts might be finished.

Bri had always had a soft roundness to her body, making her a huggable, cuddly armful. But once the breast cancer returned, weight melted off at an alarming rate….more than 50 pounds in less than 8 months…until she became slender and delicate like her beautiful hands and feet.

In the last few days of her life, Bri only wanted to eat food "made with love." She didn't realize this 'til I pointed it out as I sat feeding her. Friends had been making food for us at least once a week. Like Jane, who brought over a smooth, hearty, bright orange "root soup" Sunday night, after weeks of treating us to vegetable lasagna, roasted veggies, cornbread & chili, and fresh fruit from her espaliered orchard. Shawnee brought tropical treats: young coconuts with their nutritious milk, mangos, and papayas. And Pam brought simpler fare: steamed basmati rice with lots of butter and a sprinkling of dill, roasted beets last week and steamed beets this week.

We also had signed up with a weekly food service, Ruthy's Real Meals, to deliver several dinner entrees for three, since Marc (Bri's hubby), Bill and I had no energy or enthusiasm leftover for cooking, each of us drained from months of round-the-clock caregiving.

But it was home-cooked foods made lovingly by friends, specifically for her, that Bri intuitively preferred eating now. We know intent infuses our thoughts, actions, affects our relationships, and, apparently, the food we cook as well.

So, as an end-of-life cooking lesson from Ms. Brizy….prepare your edible creations with LOVE, the sweetest seasoning of all. Someone may notice the difference, savoring each bite all the more.

~ Cynthe (Bri's Mom-in-Law)

I have literally wanted to write everyday…and haven't. I've got two or three drafts of things I've started, run out of energy, thought I would get back to, and didn't. Everyday, I have wanted to tell all of you how incredibly humbled and appreciative I am that you participated so lovingly in this fundraiser. But, with viruses, fevers, coughing fits and fatigue, I just haven't gotten to the blog much. I have good days and bad days, but I really do feel blessed. Below is a post I started to write after the fundraiser ended, and leaving behind my perfectionism for a moment, I'll just share what I wrote then, and hopefully have the energy to post more (including pictures) later. I just want to let you all know, I'm still here, I'm taking it one day at a time, and Marc and I are so touched by the outpouring of support and love. Thank you.

Well, the fundraiser on my behalf has officially ended. I haven't gone through and added absolutely everything up, but the combination of the "Bloggers for Bri" ChipIn fundraiser, family and friends who've just given money just because (not knowing about the fundraiser), and about $3,500 that the hospital near me waived in emergency room charges, all comes to about $20,000. I honestly couldn't have imagined that in my wildest dreams. We went into (and haven't come out yet) so much debt from the first time I got sick, that I am speechless at the generosity and kindess of friends (old and new) around the world.

I am much better after the pneumonia, but it took a lot of rest, love from my family in the form of chauferring and meals brought to me, and between $500 and $,1000 a week in alternative therapies. Knowing that the fundraiser has been such a wild success has given me tremendous peace of mind. I can do what I know is good for my healing and not think twice. I can't begin to express how powerful that is.

Hi sweet friends. I am so deeply touched by the outpouring of support, love, well-wishes and prayers. I had no idea this fundraiser would be such a success. It's truly an inspiration. We've told everyone we know about it since it is such a testament to the idea that many people doing small (and not so small) things, can make a big difference. I have been so enveloped by your generosity. One night when we were drifting off to sleep, Marc said, "What if you imagine all these people standing in a room together cheering you on." So, that has become a common bedtime practice, especially when it's been a hard day. Bee and Jai put up a sweet update about me and included an awesome new prize that someone has offered: a week stay in an apartment at her farmhouse…in Italy. What a treat!

I've really had ups and downs these last few weeks. I take notice of the little victories (like being able to tag along on a couple errands). But I also ended up at the emergency room last week with a fever, and left with a diagnosis of pneumonia. Everyone in the household had gotten sick with a cold, but in me, it became pneumonia. The doc wanted to admit me, but I wanted to head home, so I left with my antibiotics. I've had daily energy work treatments since, and am recovering well. This fundraiser is really making it possible for me to get the treatments I need, and not worry about where the money is going to come from. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.

xoxo

Every month Bee and Jai of Jugalbandi hold a truly inspiring photo contest called CLICK!. Talented photographers from around the world submit a shot based on that month's theme. This month, Bee and Jai are hosting a special CLICK! fundraising event for me to help pay for my medical bills. The theme is yellow, which has begun to signify the fight against cancer.

Shankari of Stream of Consciousness, Manisha of Indian Food Rocks and Garrett of Vanilla Garlic have all helped to organize this event on my behalf. There are even awesome raffle prizes that kind bloggers, friends and family have donated. The fundraiser has barely gotten off the ground and I already feel so loved. I will be listing the sweet donors' names on my Fundraiser page.

Memorial Day weekend is Marc and my wedding anniversary. Two years ago, I was taking IV chemotherapy about this time, and let's just say that that anniversary will go down in history as the "Snarky Chemo Anniversary". Truthfully, I don't even remember what happened, but it was at the end of a long four months of the hell that is chemo, and we were not at our best.

Strangely, here we are again at Memorial Day weekend with me on chemotherapy. Only this time, I'm taking a pill form, rather than injections into a portacath implanted in my chest. I don't know if it's common knowledge, but the principle of chemo (of which, there are many varieties) is that it kills fast growing cells in the body…indescriminately. Since cancer cells are fast growing, the hope is that the chemo kills the cancer cells before it kills all your healthy minding-their-own-business cells.

One of the common (and especially difficult for a foodie) side effects is that since the entire digestive tract, starting in your mouth, is made up of fast growing cells, eating can be quite rough. So far, I've been lucky this time with only mild tummy troubles, but I have a lot of support with supplements and complementary medicine.

The other common side effect is fatigue, so even when I am hungry for something delictable, I haven't really had the energy to prepare it. Since Marc and I have been living with his parents for the last 16 months, I've done the vast majority of the cooking and really enjoyed it. I've pushed myself and my recipes to places I would never have gone, had it just been Marc and me. It also led me to this create this blog so I could share my ideas and love for good local food with more people.

So, with my energy levels fluctuating, each day I really have to choose what the best use of that energy is. Lately I've been working on fixing some of the niggly (yet time consuming) problems from when our server was hacked. Strangely, all my categories got corrupted and became random words from my posts. So in my side bar it said things like "sized hands", "pith" and "nearby mountain" rather than "Breakfast", "Ice Cream" and "Summer". My blogroll had filed Marc's web sites under "vegetarian cookbook".

Anyway, my blogroll is fixed, but I'm only about 2/3 of the way through reasigning every one of my 125 posts to appropriate categories. With this new version of WordPress I can put links to related posts at the end of each post, but so far that's all jumbled and I haven't figured out how to fix it either. One thing at a time.

I have SO loved all your sweet comments of encouragement. Though I normally would respond to them all, like I said, I really have to carefully choose how I spend my energy. So, please know that I am reading them and appreciate each one.

Yesterday I felt pretty good, and had the where-with-all to make a yummy pasta salad that I thought I'd share. Pasta salad is one of my all time favorite summer dishes. Depending on what you like, and have on hand, it can easily be a meal in its own right, or just a great side dish. Plus, it's something you can pull together quickly and with minimal work (exactly the kind of thing I need right now).

I tend to throw everything that could possibly be harmonious together into it, but you are welcome to use more restraint. I thought it was a particularly appropos dish for the holiday weekend since it's great party food. I never make it the same way twice, so I'll tell you what I put in the one I made last night, but I'd also like to give you some ideas of the tasty options available, depending on what's in your kitchen and in season.

For the base of the salad…the pasta…I like to play with shapes and colors. My favorites are the corkscrews and spirals that are colored by different veggies (red pepper, spinach, carrot, and beet are the most common). There are several categories of ingredients I like to use. Feel free to mix and match. I think the most flavorful dish has at least one of each category, but hey, that's just my preference. There are no rules here.

My strongest suggestion though, is to use as many local, sustainable, organic ingredients as possible. Heck, basil and cherry tomatoes fresh from your garden with a little local cheese would be the makings of pasta salad heaven.

Fresh Herbs (in the winter, dried is fine in a pinch)
basil
parsley
oregano
thyme
chives

Nuts/Seeds
slivered almonds
toasted walnuts
toasted pine nuts
sunflower seeds
sesame seeds
peanuts
cashews

Cheese A good quality firm nutty cheese (sharp cheddar, aged jack, Manchego sheep's milk cheese, etc) holds it's integrity best as you mix the salad, but you could also use a soft cheese (goat, fresh mozzarella, blue, etc.) if you crumble it on top at the end.

Veggies
carrots (if you cut them small since they have a much crunchier texture than anything else you'll be using)
cucumber
radishes
jicama
celery
sugar snap peas
sunflower sprouts (they are hearty enough to hold up in the salad for a few hours)
bell peppers (fresh, or roasted with their skins removed)

Salty Herby Things
sun-dried tomatoes
assorted olives (herbed Greek ones stuffed with garlic, nuts or cheese are my preference)
capers
artichoke hearts
marinated mushrooms
pickled garlic

Beans
garbanzos (chick peas)
kidney
cannelini

Dressing Ideas (I like to use a lot of vinegar in mine, so I always use some combination of these)
balsamic vinegar (my favorite is fig balsamic)
Asian seasoned rice vinegar (it's very flavorful, seasoned with salt and sugar)
Trader Joe's orange champagne vinegar
apple cider vinegar

Olive is my oil of choice, but depending on the direction I want to take the pasta salad, sometimes I use a little sesame oil. An exotic nut oil like walnut or hazlenut can be a very tasty accent as well. Sometimes I add a little mayo (soy based if I'm making it for vegans) for emulsification, but not enough to make it gloppy. If I use jarred things from the "Salty Herby" category, I like to use some of the brine or herbed oil it came in for extra flavor.

Pasta tends to be very thirsty. So when you make the salad, cook the pasta according to the package directions, drain it, and then pour your dressing all over the pasta. Let it soak up all the dressing while you prepare the other ingredients into another bowl. Taste the pasta and see if it needs more dressing.

If you plan to use seasoned rice vinegar, cheese or any of the "Salty Herby Things", (since they all have salt) don't add extra salt to anything until all the ingredients are well combined. If you make the pasta salad hours or a day ahead, taste it right before you serve it, since the pasta can soak up all the dressing and turn a little bland. It may need a last minute tweaking.

When I made it yesterday, I used multi-colored corkscrew pasta, cucumber, fresh parsley, radishes, celery, capers, Greek green olives, Kalamata olives, and cubed sharp Dubliner cheddar cheese. I made the dressing with seasoned rice vinegar, orange vinegar, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, Dijon Nayonaise (soy based mayo flavored with dijon mustard) and about a tablespoon of herbed oil leftover from a jar of sun-dried tomatoes. Because of the seasoned rice vinegar, olives and capers, I didn't need to season it with extra salt (although, I always salt my pasta water). I did finish it with some freshly ground black pepper.

Pasta salad is just about the epitome of my cooking style.

1. I make it frequently, but it's always different.
2. It reflects how much energy and creativity I have in the moment (simple when I'm tired…more elaborate when the mood strikes).
3. Since I often include beans, nuts and/or cheese as well as tons of veggies, it has plenty of protein and fresh vibrant nutrition.
4. I always have some idea what's going into it, but it evolves all the way through the process.

Have a joyful safe holiday weekend if you are in the US. Outside the US, you too, have a joyful weekend. Remember that even in your darkest hour, there is always something to be grateful for.

Thank you so much everyone…for your love, well wishes and prayers. I'm sure it contributes a lot to how well I'm feeling. I had a very healing trip to Guadalajara, Mexico. My dad and I stayed with a friend, Leticia, who took such amazing care of me.

My dad pulled major strings and jumped through many hoops to arrange for my travel and treatments there, but it was well worth it. My treatments were very effective and I am feeling more vitality and less pain everyday. Leticia is a very creative cook and easily prepared vegetarian dishes for me that were scrumptious and healthy.

The first morning she made a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice blended with ripe papaya for me, that was so delicious, my first thought was "This is going on the blog." Leticia eats meat, so when she asked if I wanted tofu (to acommodate my vegetarian diet) I told her I was perfectly happy with Mexican staples of black beans, cheese and eggs.

Tofu isn't exactly native Mexican food and I didn't want her to go even more out of her way to make me something she wouldn't normally eat and enjoy. She promptly went out and bought tofu seasoned with fresh herbs and made a very tasty meal with grilled eggplant and goat cheese, and brown rice spiced with poblano chile, cilantro and fresh cultured cheese. Seriously, she treated me like a queen, and for those five days my only assignment was to focus on healing.

I came home to a stack of loving cards, kind emails and sweet blog comments. Needing to conserve my energy, I've only been able to attend to a few calls and emails a day in response, so I'm a little behind. I would love to answer each comment individually, and I hope to at some point, but for now, know that I read yours and am deeply grateful.

Fellow food bloggers Bee and Jai from Jugalbandi sent me a beautifully wrapped care package when I got home from Mexico.

Just as I was about to tear into it, Marc asked if I wanted to take pictures. Smart guy. Always thinkin'. I restrained myself just long enough so you all could see what thoughtful goodies Bee and Jai sent.

Dagoba is some of the best chocolate out there, so that was a superb treat. We've had the Reader's Digest book on the kitchen table for a few days and everyone is getting a good laugh out of the stories. I'm still blown away by how amazing the bonds are that we bloggers form.

Bee and Jai have even offered to hold a fundraiser for me to help cover my treatment costs and are putting it together as we speak. They hold a monthly contest called Click and plan to incorporate the fundraiser into it. I'll keeep you posted as I know more. I really am speechless at the generosity and kindness pouring in from all directions. I feel so supported.

This week was chock full of doctor's appointments and tests. Cindy and Bill (Marc's incredibly supportive mom and step dad), Marc and I all met with a local Anthroposophic doctor at the beginning of the week and I started mistletoe therapy. Mistletoe has been used in Europe with great results for decades and does wonders to boost the immune system and get your body to take care of the cancer itself.

On Wednesday I had a biopsy of an enlarged lymph node in my neck. Biopsies aren't my idea of a good time, but it went smoothly and the hospital staff were very kind. One nurse, Nora held my hand and kept peeking under the sterile drape over my face to ask if I was okay. Such genuine kindness. My oncologist just called with the lab results and they are pretty sure it's what we all suspected…breast cancer. Each cancer is treated differently, so we had to know for sure.

I decided this was a week of research and development…get as much information from as many reliable sources as necessary and then develop a plan of action for my healing. I have always had a sense of being part of some greater plan. I don't have to know all the "hows" and "whys" but I've been praying pretty hard for clarity in what to do next, and the strength to act on that clarity. I think this week that clarity fell into place, and I'm taking each step as it is called for.

I actually feel quite a peace with what I need to do to bring my body back into a state of good health. Plus, I have lots of loving family, friends and health practitioners to help me on this journey.

All of us here at the Grey-Brush-Brownlow residence are thankful for all of your sweet comments and support. It really helps, guys! Helps energize us for the task ahead, which is to find all the right therapies (alternative and traditional) and choose the best for Bri.

She's off to Mexico as of this morning and, as she mentioned, will meet her dad down there for alternative treatment in his healing network. We're expecting her back Thursday. We'll try to honor her spirit by fixing delicious organic meals (all by ourselves!) in her absence.

We'll keep you up to date……and thanks again.

Hi all,

It's Bill, Bri's Father-in-law. In the process of restoring the database AND upgrading to Wordpress 2.5.1, all of our categories have been screwed up somehow. So don't search by category for now. We'll get to it More important things to think about at the moment.