Hillary of Chew on That does a Monthly Mouthful where she asks bloggers near and far to answer a question. January’s question was, “What is the one food everyone else loves that you can’t stand?”. I hemmed…and hawed…and procrastinated, waiting for a wittily articulated response to arise. I answered the question thusly:
“This is a difficult one for me, since I’m not a picky eater. I suppose some might point out the obvious one…meat. But that’s for ideological, environmental, and humane reasons: not simply “I can’t stand it”. Hmmm… suppose I would also say that a lot of people like artificial things when I really prefer the taste of the real thing. No potatoes from a box or other-worldly colored punch for me. Who’s ever heard of a blue raspberry anyway?! Also, I’ve prepared and eaten fava beans fresh from the farm, and they just don’t do it for me. I’ll tolerate them, but I’d rather not have to. So, that’s it.”
Which was fine, until I thought of two, count ’em, TWO things that I can actually rant about. I’m really not a picky eater…except that I insist on eating actual food (more in a later post on the difference between food, and edible substances disguised as food). As a kid, there were lots of things that I didn’t like because of emotional associations, that I have thankfully outgrown.
But, as long as it’s vegetarian, I am fearless about trying any and every food at least once. Even multiple times, to see if I can prove myself wrong. But, after many occasions to change my mind, I just can’t get behind biscotti. Why would I want to eat arguably the hardest substance on earth (after diamonds, of course)?! This barely leavened, twice baked brick masquerading as pastry is designed for longevity, not taste. And frankly…it shows.
Since I’m not going to make biscotti, photo courtesy of Wikipedia. (photo credit: Stu Spivack)
Biscotti is a wheaty approximation of pumice. A paltry drizzle of chocolate is hardly consolation, when it’s better suited for sanding calluses off your feet. Dunking it in a hot liquid doesn’t get you anywhere either. Oh, the disappointment as you’re forced to suck the muculent slurry off of it’s vestigial stump.
Speaking of hot liquids, this brings me to the second part of my rant: Celestial Seasonings tea. It’s everywhere, and I can’t stand the stuff. Open any American’s tea cupboard and you’ll see Bengal Spice and Lemon Zinger, the ubiquitous teas that are the basis for every other flavor Celestial Seasonings comes up with. They are so heavy handed with their flavors, that even when I give it a couple years and think, “Ya know, I bet they aren’t as bad as I remember”, turns out…they are. At this point, I’d rather savor the delicate minerals in unadorned hot water than get hit over the head again with Celestial’s seasonings.